That place in my womb 

That calls for all that’s decomposed, feels demonic



Fraternal with the spot in my mouth I rub with my tongue 

Hoping… 

For a taste of blood 

 

 

Like the ache left behind a fallen tooth

Where you could twist and twist and twist

and always find a new kind of pain

 

 

That grit and grind of bones against 

Pink sordid flesh 

That’s what I look for in the nights of my youth 



Something dirty and untamed 

Like specs of dirt floating around a cocktail 

After a nasty finger swirls your rum 



I want to be photographed in freedom

Captured while I swim in the thing

I’ve been searching for since I was born 



To dance and have fun and be beautiful

I want the right words to pour out of me 

To be strong and unbinding 



Like a coil with eyeliner 

Twisted around myself 

and my dreams 

and the ones that broke me

 

 

I want to be kissed in the dark 

To sing in a band and have the wind be my friend

 

 

But I have all of this and none of that 

 

 

So God can do what he feels like with me 

And my wretched unrelenting self

 

 

The girl who wanted to die 

with the world cupped between shiny fingers

 

 

Let her dance 

Lest—